Comotized.Com

I, like so many others, was vastly overjoyed when I saw a nice jump in my feedburner subscriber count.

Sadly, it appears that these new subscribers are really just people who’ve followed us on friendfeed.

While I don’t discredit their subscription on friendfeed (every person counts!) it really isn’t valid to place them into our feedburner count as these people didn’t click an RSS button on our site/s to sign on for our feeds.

Not to mention friendfeed is more of a social network than anything and most users return follow anyone who follows them… I know I’m guilty of doing that so have no doubts that others do as well.

Hopefully google fixes this issue soon because it really is an issue.

I want to know how many people sign up for my RSS feed; not how many people sign up for my RSS feed AND how many people follow me on friendfriend mashed into a group pile.

I like my statistics simple, please revert and give me my correct numbers again. *shakes fist*

I installed scribefire but as you can see that idea for motivation didn’t pan out as planned.

I figured if I had an editor at my fingertips during all my internet browsing rendezvous I’d get lucky and something would perk my interest enough to blog.

Yay for another failed attempt.

Right now the only thing on my mind is sleep, which I’m obviously not getting (note the sluggish typing of whiny post) and Ethiopian chicken, which just so happens to be the best diet food in town.

I’m tellin ya, if I get any more brain activity going on up in my cranium region I’m going to go into an epileptic fit, and I CAN do that. I do have epilepsy, so all of you out there snickering about ‘oh no she didn’t', oh hell yes I did. Eat me if ya don’t like it.

*sighs* I’m such a sweetheart.

Now on an ending note to this pathetic excuse of a post I shall attempt to explain what an Ethiopian chicken is and why you should start eating them if you’re trying to lose weight.

First and foremost I need you to picture one of those little starving Ethiopian babies you see on donation commercials late at night when you’re slumped on the couch in a fluffy pink moo-moo stuffing your face full of Ben & Jerry’s..

Can you see the little Ethiopian child floating through your mind yet?

Good.. now try to picture what their chickens look like.

If you’re anything like me you’ll see a shriveled up excuse of a chicken with an over-sized head, ribs poking out all willy nilly, malnourished belly poking out from air & other gaseous substances…. He may or may not be tied to a goat suffering the same fate.. but regardless of what he is, or is not, tied to there should be a caption under his shriveled feet with the statement of: “Spend more time chewing!”

After all, everyone knows shriveled chicken is one tough bitch to chew right?

And that my dears, is why the Ethiopian chicken is the best diet food around. Little to no meat but you’ll chew for hours, thus getting the effect that you’ve consumed a meal far bigger than you actually have while managing to dump just enough content into your tummy to shut it up.

With knowledge this golden you can share the wealth and take your old ice cream money to feed those damned kids. They gave you your hips back, thank them properly would ya?!

Bronchitis is the devil.

I’m convinced and you can not change my mind.

I’d rather be attacked by a pig and have swine flu than this.

At least I can breathe when I have the flu.

As it stands I have a nice little wheezing noise with every breath I take, my head feels like a field full of cotton fluff and I can’t, for the life of me, breathe out of my nose.

I might also mention that my temperature is up, my cloths are sticking to me, my body is one giant shaking ache and I’m a tad bit disoriented.

I do not like bronchitis sam I am, I can not eat your green eggs and ham. I would make a valiant attempt but I’m afraid I would die from lack of oxygen.

Ah the joys of the sick season… fuck you bronchitis!

So yeah, I was licking a postage stamp earlier today. It’s a natural process that occurs when sending out a message though snail mail. And sometimes, if you’re unlucky, a very quizzical and thought provoking process at that.

While I was licking the stamp I got to thinking about how gross the adhesive tasted. Following which I started thinking about why some stamps are sweet and others are vilely bitter. What exactly do they put into stamp adhesive to give it such flavor?

So I put the stamp onto the envelope and set it aside for mailing. Unfortunately the thought process over adhesive ingredients hadn’t left my mind. Normally I’d push the thought away and search for a new topic but for some reason this one just seemed too interesting to pass up. So I let the wheels turn.. and turn and turn some more.

A million possibilities floated into my head but the one I found most amusing, and disturbing was my theory that the government had a set of elves mixing up each and every fresh batch of stamp adhesive. Now these elves are very special elves. One is a female named glue the other is a male who goes by the name of me.

Each day they wake up, put on their little glue suits and shuffle on down to their mixing stations. They work at the same factory but on separate ends (their supervisors don’t want them reproducing, they are special elves remember?), never seeing the other but each knowing the other exists.

The elves do their work but unlike most elves who are cheerful and vibrant these elves are forever downcast. Each one lazily dreaming of the one they know exists but can never see. It’s during these lazy, daydreaming times that the magical ingredient is placed into the adhesive.

For while their minds are preoccupied, their grimy, glue-covered hands are anything but.

It’s said that the male’s glue is bitter due to his sexual frustration while the female’s is sweet due to her everlasting hope that she will one day meet her missing link.

It’s a far fetched and downright outrageous theory but who’s there to prove it isn’t true? Furthermore it hasn’t been proven that elves don’t exist either so all in all it’s possible. Not likely, but possible. So before you go to mail another letter think about what it is you’re licking.

And if the elves don’t make you cringe, you can always stop to dwell on the fact that bug eggs or a highly contagious disease has been stuck to the stamp. As for myself, I feel much safer with horny elves than I do with eggs and disease. At least elves are partially human and won’t make me deathly ill. It really is your choice though.