I was always the one to hold things inside. Never telling anyone when the things they said or did hurt me. Sitting back and soaking up all the pain, never thinking to let it go. Sparing everyone’s feelings but my own. I never thought to confide in another until the day came when I hit rock bottom.
Sitting at the kitchen table, alone. My arms spread out before me, a long handled knife gleaming between them. Wishing to God I could pick it up and end the pain once and for all without remorse or reason. Thinking of all the people I knew and loved, who loved me back. Knowing I couldn’t leave them this way. Trying to write on paper the reason why I was about to do what I had planned. Trying to convince myself they’d understand, but knowing deep down inside that they never would.
I never picked up the blade, the paper was ripped and thrown away. As I sit back years later looking back at where I was then. It saddens me. There’s so many people who are in that dark place right now as I speak. Too many to count and too many to save. I can only hope that they teach themselves to share their feelings the way that I have. That they’ll get help the way that I did and that things will work themselves out without a tragic ending.
I think the key to all of this is knowing when to speak and when to keep quiet. As well as knowing who your real friends are. Friends who put you down, let you down and do nothing but hurt you are not the ones you need to keep. Quality should always come before qauntity. Life is not a popularity contest. Don’t strive to ‘fit in’ with the crowd. Be yourself and those who stick by your side through thick and thin are the real prize. Life is too short to go around trying to please everyone. Protect the ones you love, but always try and remember to protect yourself as well. No life is above or below another. Famous, not-famous, handicapped, gifted or otherwise. We’re all human and we all need protection from some parts of our lives. We all need love and understanding. Where you get and how you get those things are up to you.
I feel like utter shit. As if I could just fall over and pass out at any given moment. I’ve felt like this for a little over three days now. I’m not quite sure what’s going on with me, but it doesn’t feel good at all.
It started with a headache, which steadily progressed into a migraine.. then into a bigger migraine and it just escalated from there. The pain in my head and dizzyness is unreal. It starts behind my left eye, travels clear across my forehead then shoots down my neck straight between my shoulder blades. If you push on the right side of my neck it’s like a knot because the muscles are so tight.
I also have no appetite. None, it’s totally nonexistant. I forced myself to eat earlier but I just got sick and gave up afterwards. The nausea is still there. Even with an empty stomach. I see food and I’m just not interested. Nothing perks my interest lately. Food wise that is. I still drink like a camel :biggrin:
Right now my drink of choice is hot peppermint tea. If I could smell this smell for the rest of my life.. Mmmm. I really wanted spearmint tea, which is my favorite herbal tea, but the store was out of it. So I picked up a small box of the next best kind. Peppermint. It helps a little in the head department. The mint always clears out the stuffyness associated with colds and synus problems so that’s a plus. Now if I could just get rid of the dizzyness, headache and nausea.. I’d be all set. One step at a time though, one step at a time…
There’s a new ‘event’ going on at the Connective MB where you pixel a mini version of yourself to sell to other members. The image to the left is my pixel self. I’m pleased with the way it turned out. Normally I suck at hair but I did a pretty nifty job this go round. And yes, I am aware her eyes are two different colors. I was born that way so I decided to let it show on my pixel. It wouldn’t be fitting to alter things about oneself in order to get pimped out more :biggrin:
And good lord have I gotten a TON of qbee trades lately. I’m not quite sure what’s up with that. Either my new patch is gaining some attention, my new carebear layout is gaining attention or it’s just the new St. Patricks day event. I love trading patches but it’s getting a bit tricky. I might have to start limiting trades to two per night or something.
On the upscale I won the Creative Patch award *beams* I really wish I’d win the creative or cozy quilt award. I’ve never received either of those. That includes my old domain. Highly unlikely that I ever will but there’s always room for hope.
Hmm.. it looks as if my boobie post scared quite a few of you away. Granted it was an odd subject but come on, boobies aren’t that scary! Controversial maybe? Nah I doubt that. It deffinately wasn’t offensive. I was just stating facts. And now that I’m talking about my last post I might as well break it to you guys that I have to take back my new spiffy socks as well. I’m so bummed, I REALLY hope they still have more pairs of them. I put them on yesterday to pad around the house in and I kept feeling a cold spot in the middle of my foot. When I checked the bottom of my foot there was a hole in my new sock *cries* So sad. At least I get to keep some of the items I bought eh?
I haven’t made many new things for the site lately so I decided to create some pixel adoptions. So far I’ve come up with 17 Bear Pops. Which are little suckers in the shape of bears. Each one has a different color and flavor including a transparent one that you can make up a flavor for. You can view them, or adopt them, by clicking here. They aren’t big, and they aren’t much, but I hope you enjoy them anyway :wink:
I’m so tired right now it’s insane. I ran around all day with my mom. We only went to two stores, but we spent hours in both so it has the same effect as if I’d visited ten. I picked up a few goodies for myself. I haven’t gotten anything new, with the exception of my carebear cub, in quite some time. I got a pair of socks (shocking I know), a t-shirt, a pair of pants, a set of tongue rings, and a pack of yogurt treats for the Chinchillas. Oh and I picked up some kitty treats too. I can’t ever leave my animals out of a shopping spree :biggrin:
Sadly I have to take my t-shirt back. I got the right size but it’s some funky non-stretchy material so I pull it down and everything is fine until I try to pull it over my boobs. They just do NOT want to go in that shirt. Refuse to even. If it wouldn’t hurt I’d beat them into submission lmao.
I hate my boobs, I swear. Half the tops and bras I get I have to take back because they won’t fit over them. Like the ‘black bra incident’ for example. I purchased an insanely pretty black bra from TJ Max. It was even a full cup size BIGGER than what I normally wear. So I’m all excited I have this new pretty bra to wear right?..
WRONG. I get home and go to try it on. The straps fit but the cups are too small :grr: I was so pissed off I wanted to scream. I don’t think that bra was made right. In fact it couldn’t have been. The thing had DDD cups and my boobies wouldn’t fit. Most of the time when your boobs don’t fit into the cups of your bra you have them IN there it’s just cutting into you.. These cups were so small that I couldn’t even get them near my nipples. WTF?? I have the biggest problems finding tops and bras. Victoria’s Secret? Forget it. It’s so aggrivating. And the ones I DO find are for like.. old people. So they’re all plain and non-pretty. :up: So annoying!!
Anywho I know this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear so I’ll take my boobies and crawl into bed now. 
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