This is an avatar I created for a member over at the Caffeinated MB She didn’t have one and requested one. I must say I suck at pixeling bears, yes the one in the avatar looks nice but he took a long time to get pretty. He’s from a character but I can’t remember the name of it for the life of me. If anyone knows please tell me so I can edit the adoptions page. Right now the panda is labeled as ‘Big Panda’ which in pixel standards he is but that isn’t his true name. The adoption version of him doesn’t include the avatar, just the panda. So if you’d like to give him a home feel free to adopt him here.

Caffeinated MB now has it’s very own arcade. It’s rather nifty, so far all the members love it. I haven’t ‘played’ any of the games other than Hexxagon because that’s the one that pissed me off. It’s next to impossible to win that game. Other games are Pac Man, Breakout, Tetris, Astroids and a few others. Complete with sound and everything, it’s really neat. I made it so guests can play the games too so if you wanna give it a shot go right ahead :wink:

In life news I am being driven insane by bugs. Yes, bugs. Live ones, and lots of them. Since it’s getting hot they’re all scurrying for cover indoors. Why they chose my room as the place they want to be is beyond me. I’ve been catching them and setting them free but I honestly don’t know how long that’s going to last with me. For the past two days I’ve had the feeling of things crawling on me but there’s nothing on me. To give you an idea of how bad the situation is becomming I’ll discribe what happened this morning to you…

First things first, When I went to take my fan out of the window there was a HUGE spider just beyond the screen (the screen is removeable so not much blocking). He was munching on an enormous alien looking bug. I’ve never seen a bug of that type in my life, nor do I want to again. Anyway, I ignored that and went to bed… So then I go to roll over and just what do you think was staring at me from the other pillow? Another huge spider. He even waved his little arm in protest when I went to scoop him up in a cup. After that I slept okay.. once I fell asleep that is. When I woke up the first thing I saw was yet ANOTHER huge spider sitting on my windowsill. WTF? Are spiders out to get me or something?!

As if that wasnt bad enough I went over to my other window to put the fan back in. It’s quite hot now that it’s summer time. Anywho, there’s a line of nails that run across the bottom of the sill, one nail is out so there’s just a small hole where it used to be. Sticking out of that hole was a grotesque, alien-esque leg rotating around. Whatever was in that hole was good and stuck because NOTHING of that size could possibly fit out of it.

Not wishing to encounter this strange creature I found a replacement nail and stuck it down in the hole. *shudders* I can’t wait to get my air conditioner installed so that screen can be thrown in the garbage. Bugs don’t scare me but I still don’t want them on me, in my bed, or sharing a bedroom with me. Maybe I should just create a small cardboard castle and attach it to the window so they crawl in there and not in the room? Then I could just grab the box and dump them out the window instead of having to view and capture each and every one… I could paint it too so it wouldn’t be an eyesore *ponders* Maybe?

Looks like my depression has gotten the better of me yet again. Just another problem to add to the pile. For the past week it’s been eating at me. I’m supressing it as much as I can but it’s honestly not something I can control. The littlest things piss me off to the point where I see red. Things that wouldn’t bother me on a normal day. I had to ignore my forum for a few days because of it.

I hate feeling this way. So angry and emotional. One minute I’m fine then something is said and I get angry or upset. I find myself thinking some of the most horrible things about people. It bothers me. It isn’t who I am. I am not the type of person to just up and tell a person off but when this hits I can’t control it. I suppose there really is both good and evil in everyone.

There isn’t much I can do about it. I haven’t found a medication I can take that works yet. All the ones they tried before made me want to kill people (quite literally) or just flat out screwed me over. So I reverted to doing the only thing I could. Keep my mouth shut and pull away from people. I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone by something this evil disease caused me to think. It’s best to just stay quiet sometimes.

It’ll fade eventually, it always does but the question is, when? Will it be a few weeks? Or will it be a few months this time? Or more? I hate not knowing. I hate everything about it. Then again, hate is a pretty strong word. Since it isn’t directed at a person I’ll keep that word for now.

At least depression makes me sleepy. Maybe I can just sleep until I wake up in my normal state again… Yeah I doubt that too. But there’s always room to dream