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28MayAdheshive Ingredients

So yeah, I was licking a postage stamp earlier today. It’s a natural process that occurs when sending out a message though snail mail. And sometimes, if you’re unlucky a very quizzical and thought provoking process at that.

While I was licking the stamp I got to thinking about how gross the adheshive tasted. Following which I started thinking about why some stamps are sweet and others are viley bitter. What exactly do they put into stamp adheshive to give it such flavour?

So I put the stamp onto the envelope and set it aside for mailing. Unfortuneately the thought process over adheshive ingredients hadn’t left my mind. Normally I’d push the thought away and search for a new topic but for some reason this one just seemed too interesting to pass up. So I let the wheels turn.. and turn and turn some more.

A million possibilities floated into my head but the one I found most amusing, and disturbing was my theory that the government had a set of elves mixing up each and every fresh batch of stamp adheshive. Now these elves are very special elves. One is a female named glue the other is a male who goes by the name of me.

Each day they wake up, put on their little glue suits and shuffle on down to their mixing stations. They work at the same factory but on separate ends (their supervisors don’t want them reproducing, they are special elves remember?), never seeing the other but each knowing the other exists.

The elves do their work but unlike most elves who are cheerful and vibrant these elves are forever downcast. Each one lazily dreaming of the one they know exists but can never see. It’s during these lazy, daydreaming times that the magical ingredient is placed into the adheshive.

For while their minds are preoccupied, their grimy, glue-covered hands are anything but.

It’s said that the male’s glue is bitter due to his sexual frustration while the female’s is sweet due to her everlasting hope that she will one day meet her missing link.

It’s a far fetched and downright outrageous theory but who’s there to prove it isn’t true? Furthermore it hasn’t been proven that elves don’t exist either so all in all it’s possible. Not likely, but possible. So before you go to mail another letter think about what it is you’re licking.

And if the elves don’t make you cringe, you can always stop to dwell on the fact that bug eggs or a highly contageous disease has been stuck to the stamp. As for myself, I feel much safer with horny elves than I do with eggs and disease. At least elves are partially human and won’t make me deathly ill. It really is your choice though.

in Explicit Content, General and Random Ramblings. 20 Comments

10MayDirty Old Women

My mother was making tuna salad earlier for my neice, which consisted of a can of tuna, chunks of celery and some mayonaise. She was sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen counter when she pulled the spoon out of the mayonaise jar and a big loop was dangling from it.

My nanny, who was visiting for a little while, got a funny look on her face and asked ‘what is that?’ to which mom replied ‘The foil from the mayonaise jar”. Apparently the little loop of foil had been stripped off of the top of the jar from being opened and closed so much and fallen into the actual contents of the jar…

Which is when the laugh factor started to occur. Mom handed Nanny the loop of foil for her to throw in the trash but while making her slow way to the can she said ‘Looks more like something off somebody’s pecker!’

I started laughing hysterically but mom’s jaw just dropped and Nanny goes ‘What? You think just because I’m old I can’t say sexy things?!’

Of course this is the first time mom has ever heard nanny talking like that. While I, on the other hand, am used to it. If anyone else had said it, it would have been mildly amusing, but comming from the mouth of a 78 year old woman, it causes uncontrollable laughter. I don’t care if you’re the son of the pope, you would have laughed right along with me!

Mom’s only spoken response was ‘That isn’t very nice’ While mine was ‘Damn Nanny that REALLY gives a new meaning to the miracle in that whip!’ Which of course caused more laughter between nanny and myself while mom just sat there with a strange look.

Ah but dirty old women are so darned amusing!

in Explicit Content, Family Life and General. 17 Comments

06FebA Huge Blank Blob

Some minor changes have been made to the comments page. wp-grin was swiped. They stopped being clickable a long time ago so they were just a waste of space.

I also revamped the internet page yesterday. Instead of a bunch of categories in different pages it’s just one big page now. I got rid of all of my hate/fan listings and cliques as well as the resources page. I did this mainly to make it easier for me to update and keep free of broken links. The plus side is that it also benefits you as a visitor because you can find the links in one compact place rather than going back and forth all the time.

Eventually I’ll revamp all of the pages. removing un-needed content, adding new content, revalidating, etc. I just can’t do it all at once. This site may look small because the page count isn’t that high but there are a ton of little images that need to be moved around or edited.

You’ll just have to be patient with me. Post Munkey is a lot of work right now so I don’t have a ton of free time to spice this place up. It’ll happen though, slowly but surely :wink:

Right now I’m just out of it. I’m exhausted, cold and my migraine has returned. I hate migraines.. they wouldn’t be so bad if it was JUST painful but it has to come out with the sensitivity to light and sound and break into my concentration and turn my already challenged brain into a huge blank blob. I say huge because I need to make myself feel better about not being that bright so just play along ok?

Just a warning to people here from exposure.. I’m no longer active so report me for some random offense or something okay? I keep ignoring their mails but have yet to be removed from the mailing list so reporting me would be a huge favour. You can still comment though, I return each and every comment I recieve.. unless it’s a really short or ignorant one. Lucky for me I dont get too many of those!

Now, on to the bigger issues at hand. From some of the comments I received on the last post some of you think I’ve taken up regular pot smoking or that I might take up regular pot smoking. Rest assured that I am not, nor will I ever be a pot head. I should have clarafied that in the post that I wrote about that particular subject but somehow it seems to have slipped my mind.

Pot is nice, it makes me sleep and laugh for a little while but it’s nothing I would want to do on a daily basis, or even regularly for that matter. I’m just not that type of person. I’d hate to see what would happen if I even attempted doing that. Two hits gets me buzzed enough to laugh hysterically over nothing for at least 3 hours and sleep like a log directly afterwards. If I tried to smoke more than that, or smoke on a regular basis I’d turn into a short, laughing zombie thing.

For those of you who have never smoked pot. Don’t. There’s people out there that will tell you it’s the greatest thing on God’s green earth but I’m here to be honest and tell you that it’s not. I’m not going to lie and say it’s horrible because it isn’t but you really aren’t missing much. You can have just as much fun hanging out with a friend for a few minutes. :wink:

I’d keep rambling but I’m fairly sure that if I do I’ll get some strange comments because you didn’t feel like reading it all so for now I’ll shut myself up and you can feel blessed that I didn’t keep going hehe

in Explicit Content and Web Stuff. 7 Comments

31JanHelp, I’ve shut myself in the car door!

Well, everyone over at Post Munkey loves Mr. Cheeky. So much, in fact, that I can’t get them to switch themes. Which is good considering he’s the default theme.

We’re up to 22 members so far, all of them are helpful, sweet and active which I love. Our prize pool is up to $10.32 cents due to one payment from one of my ptr sites and a generous donation by our lovely member Cheryl Once we reach 50 members the contests will begin so that should make things a little interesting.

We’re growing and changing what seems like every five minutes. It’s crazy and tiring but at the same time it’s fun and it’s also making the board a whole lot better. By the time we get everything done Post Munkey will turn into a super monster forum lol

In life news there’s not much to tell. I’m back in sleepless mode. Meaning I go days without then sleep about 2 hours and start the process over again. Did I ever tell you how much fun insomnia is? Ah well, I know I’ll be sleeping a good long time here in a few hours which is comforting. I had to smoke a little pot to achieve it but sorry to tell ya, it was worth it. You can look down on me for smoking it all you want but nothing you say will change my mind. You’d smoke a little too if you were in my shoes. Or lack there of considering the fact I don’t wear shoes.

Besides, it’s a rare day when I can sit here and smile, laugh and feel normal (ie. not sick) for more than 5 minutes. Sometimes smoking pot isn’t about just ‘getting high’

in Explicit Content, General and Web Stuff. 2 Comments