1) My social anxiety is next to zilch thanks to a change of medication. Pristiq + Propranolol (beta blocker) = no social anxiety, which totally kicks ass because I’m having a great time living my life for the first time in 26 years.

2) Nanny had a stroke a little over a month ago. She’s still wheelchair bound but she’s determined and a fighter so I have all faith that she’ll recover with time.

So far her recovery has been speedy. She can pick up her left leg, move her left arm a little bit (she still has a long way to go with that) and her speech is near perfect when she has her teeth in.

As for what I’ve been doing… random shit. Mostly visiting Nanny, hanging out with friends, sun-bathing and swimming along with lots of job application filling out.

I’m so tired of seeing those forms but I want a job badly and need one at that but my social anxiety has made it harder to get hired as I’ve never had a job because of it… but that won’t stop me from trying!

Basically I’m just living my life, having fun and taking care of my Nanny who is THE most important person in my life. She pretty much raised me and she’s the ONLY one in my family that treats me like a human being instead of a verbal punching bag. I hate seeing her so distraught and… trapped. I wish that I could take her place but I can’t and that’s what kills me the most…

No matter how much I help and visit I can’t take away her sadness or fix her situation but I have to remind myself that she’s a fighter and she WILL pull through this.

So as you can see I’m still alive. Very much so. I’ll try to get my postings back on track but I make no guarantees as I never know when I’ll be on the computer long enough to actually type a post out. But I figured I’d at least let you know that I’m alive and well.

I miss you guys and I highly appreciate all of you who still support me. In times like this I can use all the support I can get, so thank you for sticking with me, even if I am a sucky blogger *hugs*

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1. Still Breathing I’m still alive so don’t worry. I’m just not in...

I figured if I had an editor at my fingertips during all my internet browsing rendezvous I’d get lucky and something would perk my interest enough to blog.

Yay for another failed attempt.

Right now the only thing on my mind is sleep, which I’m obviously not getting (note the sluggish typing of whiny post) and Ethiopian chicken, which just so happens to be the best diet food in town.

I’m tellin ya, if I get any more brain activity going on up in my cranium region I’m going to go into an epileptic fit, and I CAN do that. I do have epilepsy, so all of you out there snickering about ‘oh no she didn’t', oh hell yes I did. Eat me if ya don’t like it.

*sighs* I’m such a sweetheart.

Now on an ending note to this pathetic excuse of a post I shall attempt to explain what an Ethiopian chicken is and why you should start eating them if you’re trying to lose weight.

First and foremost I need you to picture one of those little starving Ethiopian babies you see on donation commercials late at night when you’re slumped on the couch in a fluffy pink moo-moo stuffing your face full of Ben & Jerry’s..

Can you see the little Ethiopian child floating through your mind yet?

Good.. now try to picture what their chickens look like.

If you’re anything like me you’ll see a shriveled up excuse of a chicken with an over-sized head, ribs poking out all willy nilly, malnourished belly poking out from air & other gaseous substances…. He may or may not be tied to a goat suffering the same fate.. but regardless of what he is, or is not, tied to there should be a caption under his shriveled feet with the statement of: “Spend more time chewing!”

After all, everyone knows shriveled chicken is one tough bitch to chew right?

And that my dears, is why the Ethiopian chicken is the best diet food around. Little to no meat but you’ll chew for hours, thus getting the effect that you’ve consumed a meal far bigger than you actually have while managing to dump just enough content into your tummy to shut it up.

With knowledge this golden you can share the wealth and take your old ice cream money to feed those damned kids. They gave you your hips back, thank them properly would ya?!

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While I was licking the stamp I got to thinking about how gross the adhesive tasted. Following which I started thinking about why some stamps are sweet and others are vilely bitter. What exactly do they put into stamp adhesive to give it such flavor?

So I put the stamp onto the envelope and set it aside for mailing. Unfortunately the thought process over adhesive ingredients hadn’t left my mind. Normally I’d push the thought away and search for a new topic but for some reason this one just seemed too interesting to pass up. So I let the wheels turn.. and turn and turn some more.

A million possibilities floated into my head but the one I found most amusing, and disturbing was my theory that the government had a set of elves mixing up each and every fresh batch of stamp adhesive. Now these elves are very special elves. One is a female named glue the other is a male who goes by the name of me.

Each day they wake up, put on their little glue suits and shuffle on down to their mixing stations. They work at the same factory but on separate ends (their supervisors don’t want them reproducing, they are special elves remember?), never seeing the other but each knowing the other exists.

The elves do their work but unlike most elves who are cheerful and vibrant these elves are forever downcast. Each one lazily dreaming of the one they know exists but can never see. It’s during these lazy, daydreaming times that the magical ingredient is placed into the adhesive.

For while their minds are preoccupied, their grimy, glue-covered hands are anything but.

It’s said that the male’s glue is bitter due to his sexual frustration while the female’s is sweet due to her everlasting hope that she will one day meet her missing link.

It’s a far fetched and downright outrageous theory but who’s there to prove it isn’t true? Furthermore it hasn’t been proven that elves don’t exist either so all in all it’s possible. Not likely, but possible. So before you go to mail another letter think about what it is you’re licking.

And if the elves don’t make you cringe, you can always stop to dwell on the fact that bug eggs or a highly contagious disease has been stuck to the stamp. As for myself, I feel much safer with horny elves than I do with eggs and disease. At least elves are partially human and won’t make me deathly ill. It really is your choice though.

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© Melissa for Comotized.Com, 2009. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us