Comotized.Com

The quickest and most efficient way to ditch most, if not all, of your plurk friends & fans is to…

*insert drumroll here*

*smack a cymbal here*

*stub your toe & poke your eye out here*

….

Use private plurks to tell us “good morning” or that your goldfish ‘fluffy’, may he rest in watery peace, has kicked the proverbial bucket and you *gasps* flushed him down the potty.

Unless it’s a secret or some juicy tidbit of breaking news that you only want your near and dear to read…

Don’t fucking spam my timeline with your bullshit non-private content filled, private plurks.

You’d think that this would be common sense but it’s a never-ending, new-age, plague that has us ‘normal’ plurkers ripping our hair out at the roots.. provided we have hair that is, I’m fully aware that bald plurkers exist, I shant exclude you.

Another quick way to lose your fans and friends on plurk.. or anywhere else for that matter, is to plurk, tweet, facebase, mybook, goggledegook the shortest, stupidest snippets you find around the web and expect us to give a damn.

We don’t care if you just ate a cracker. We don’t care if you have runny farts leaking out of your underpants to seep down to your ankles in a semi-opaque chocolaty smear. We don’t care that your spinach is green (no shit Sherlock!) and we do NOT care when, where or if you pluck out your nose hair.

Talking about eating a cracker is fine but you better put more than that. That godforsaken cracker better have teeth and bite back. If we’re lucky it’ll gnaw the tips of your fingers off so you can’t fucking type about it!

And for god’s sake, would you people realize that you don’t need to post a lolcat photo to us every 2.5 seconds?! They aren’t even that fucking funny! That goes for all images and videos. You think you’re sharing when in reality you’re just pissing the rest of us off because our fingers are getting too much of a workout muting your ass.

Mute, mute, mute. I am the mute-o-nator, hear me roar!… or at least read about it in this blog post.

Just in case you’re one of the superturds that pull these stunts, I’mma lay it out in a simple list for ya. Spell this shit out so maybe, just maybe you / they will take the hint and KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!

Superturd Breakdown:

• Only use private plurks when a message needs to be private.
• Don’t post useless snippets. ‘I just ate a cracker’ should be: ‘i just ate a ___ blank ___ cracker, it was delicious, have ya’ll tried them?!’
• Don’t abuse the post button. Sharing is caring but it’s murder when you post photos & videos every 2.5 seconds.
• Quit spamming our timelines!

*snickers* evil lil bastids….

[/end rant]

For the past few months I’ve been having major vision problems due to allergies. Not pollen or animal allergies but.. smelly stuff allergies.

I share an apartment with my mother who just doesn’t seem to understand the concept that I’m allergic to overly smelly things. Glade plugins and anything vanilla are my two worst allergy causers. Though real vanilla doesn’t bother me, I can even eat and digest it normally. I just can’t smell the man-made smelly kind.

So off and on my eyes have been swelled shut, watering, burning, itching, my nose dripping like a faucet or stopped up to the point where I look like I’m in constant awe of something in order to collect oxygen in my lungs.

I knew this morning when I woke up that she’d put something new in the apartment as I couldn’t see anything and focusing was out of the question. Hell, my vision is still impaired at the moment and it’ll be a few hours before it comes back to me in full swing but at least I’m not hurting anymore.

I searched the apartment top to bottom to find the smelly implant she’d left to no avail, thank god she stumbled (not literally) home a little bit ago and I interrogated her forcing her to reveal the plugin hiding spot behind a wing-backed chair in her bedroom.

The label you ask? French vanilla.. my two worst allergy causers rolled into one evil plugin.

I really hope she’ll figure out she cant keep burning those things around me. It’s so bad that the contraptions can’t be anywhere in the apartment, not even in the living room. They straight up fuck me up, for lack of better words and terminology.

Glade – kiss my ass, you make evil things for mentally unstable people to torture me with *growls*

And yes, my mother is mentally unstable, quite literally but that’s a story, or should I say novel series, for another day.

For now I’m just happy to be able to see, let’s see how long it lasts before she drags something new home this time.