My mother was supposed to come and pick me up today to help her pick green beans out of our garden.

I wasn’t holding my breath as it’s a very rare thing for her to show up on days and times when she’s supposed to.

Low and behold, 4:30pm rolled around and I was officially tired of her lies. Normally I just change back into my comfy cloths and call it a day but this time I decided to have a little bit of fun.

First I had to call around to get her whereabouts, then I had to dig through the phone book to find the right number.. then the fun began…

I picked up the cordless phone, lit a cigarette, dialed the number and calmly told the receptionist at Walnut Hills Campground:

Me: “Yes, my mother is swimming at your pool today and there’s been a family emergency, is there any way you could go outside and grab her for me?”

Receptionist: “Um.. hold on just one second please.”

Receptionist again: (returned in a worried voice with the sound of ruffling paper in the background) “What exactly do you want the message to say?”

Me: “Just tell her there’s been a family emergency *fake sniffle and voice crack* and tell her to please call me as soon as possible.”

Receptionist: “and your name ma’am?”

Me: “Melissa Harris, my mother’s name is Debra…”

Receptionist: “Okay ma’am, I’ll go and give her the message right now, I hope everything is okay!”

So I hung up the phone, took a drag of my cigarette and started giggling to myself. On the one hand I felt bad for making the receptionist think she had a vital message to deliver but on the other… I knew mom would be flying to the telephone in a huff thinking me or Nanny had fell over in the floor.

Five minutes later I received a phone call with my mother screaming in my ear:

“Is everything okay? What’s wrong? what’s going on? Is mom okay??”

Me: “yup, everything is fine, I just wanted to say thank you for picking me up today. Waiting and worrying is a bitch ain’t it?”

Mom: *long sigh* “Damn you Melissa!… okay, I’ll call you later I’ve got the kids in the pool. Love ya, Bye!”

I’m such a brat, but it was worth it. Hell, even Nanny was laughing. Serves her right. 24 years worth of lies weighs a lot more than a single prank phone call don’t ya think?