Comotized.Com’s button rotation is officially open. It actually opened the day before yesterday but I have nothing to blog about so I didn’t clue you guys in.
Then again I’m lying, I have tons I could blog about it’s just nothing I feel like talking about. It seems like all the interesting events that occur in my life are those I dont wish to publicise. But since I have nothing else turning around in my brain I guess I may as well talk about them.
First and foremost I’m frustrated. So much so that the least little thing can set me off or make me cry. I hate being so stressed out but I can’t help it. I’m tired of having to fight for everything I have. I fight and work so hard for everything I have and yet around every corner I see the things I’ve accomplished slowly fading away into the background causing me to have to work that much harder to bring them back.
On top of that my brother, Chris, is a moron. Let’s see if I can explain what I mean… well it’s not hard actually. The dumbass can’t stay out of trouble. The verdict of his last court hearing was three years in jail which was reduced to three months. Do you think he’s gone in to serve his time yet? No, of course not. His little pampered, prissy ass is too good to sit in jail with the rest of the morons who live their entire lives fucking up. I honestly don’t see why they keep slapping his wrist and letting him go. He’s already on five years parole, he has over three felonies to his name.. I don’t think he’ll ever learn.
I’m also tired of being so damned sick all of the time. Just once I’d like to eat something and not get sick. Hell I’d like to drink a glass of water and not get sick, or a skittle even. I don’t give a fuck what it is that I consume so long as it stays down and doesn’t make me feel so nauseous that all I can do is sit and wait it out. I’d also like to be able to take the medication I’m supposed to be on. The one for the acid and ulcer as well as the depression and insomnia. It seems like I never catch a break. I’m always fighting something weather it’s an object, a family member, a stranger or even myself.
I wish I had a mother who had a stable mind and a father who would at least pretend he cared and most of all I wish I was the type of person who didn’t care. Sometimes I think it would be better, not to mention easier, to walk through life with a heart of stone. As much as I try to hide what I’m feeling when I’m hurting and almost broken inside.. I can’t do it. I’m not that type of person. I can only hold it back for so long.
My one true consolation is my music which I haven’t done in so long it feels alien. I really need to pick myself up off the ground and put the peices back together. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. I haven’t written any lyrics, poetry or short stories in three years and I haven’t picked up my guitar for even longer. I still paint though which I suppose is a good sign but still. There’s more of me that needs to be found again. I just don’t know if I can do it alone…
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Aww! It sounds like you’re having a really rough time! I really hope things get better for you, but I’m sure they will.
I’ll join your button rotation as soon as I get the chance. Hehe, I would now, but I have school.
Being frustrated suck I know ,I’m being quite frustrated myself as well.
But it seems that you are having a really hard time at the moment so I’ll hope it well go better soon!
take care
You’re human. You can’t have a heart of stone and neither can anyone else. The most anyone can do is pretend that they are made of stone, but they’re hurting inside as much as you and I are. Sadly, that’s the way it is.
But there’s a reason for that. This is what experience is all about. It’s not about simply going through something, with no emotional reaction. In fact, it’s all about the emotions. You’re growing stronger with each ounce of pain. Really, you are.
And I believe you can pick up the pieces of yourself. You don’t have to do it alone. We’re here to support you, if only from afar. But we’re here, nonetheless, and that makes all the difference sometimes, when one’s walking down a lonely road.
Oh dear, you sound troubled.
In the case of your brother. I feel that partly he is still unable to learn his lesson is because, considering the amount of times he was being let off by the law, he is starting to be under the impression that his crimes aren’t serious. Hence, he is unable to repent because he thinks that he will “never” get into jail. Perhaps someone else should think up of a suitable punishment for him?
Oh dear, falling sick all the time doesn’t sound good. Perhaps you are stressed. I heard that out immune system drops when we are facing tougher times. Remember those Vitamin Cs, girl. And plenty of water.
(Water is good!)
Things get tough and family tends to be the first to let us down. I’m sorry things are so bad for you. At times like this, I turn to church and church family. It helps me so much. Hope things get better.
oh melissa! *kissies* i sure hope you don’t get all too stressed out with this parents thing. i know it’s hard to feel unloved and all that but one thing’s for sure though, He loves you (and yes i am perfectly aware of that sounding so cliche, but its true!!) so whatever it is you’re missing right now, He’s going to make up for it BIGTIME
ok? 
i heart you to pieces so don’t forget that too ok?! remember my email about the rotation thing? seems like my site is up and running now! whoopie! pasting yr rotation now 
and er, you think putting up links to the girl’s sites classify under ‘personal information?’
whoo. i shall join the button rotation! lol. (:
hope you feel much better soon! don’t let the stress get to you! all the best.