Bronchitis is the devil.
I’m convinced and you can not change my mind.
I’d rather be attacked by a pig and have swine flu than this.
At least I can breathe when I have the flu.
As it stands I have a nice little wheezing noise with every breath I take, my head feels like a field full of cotton fluff and I can’t, for the life of me, breathe out of my nose.
I might also mention that my temperature is up, my cloths are sticking to me, my body is one giant shaking ache and I’m a tad bit disoriented.
I do not like bronchitis sam I am, I can not eat your green eggs and ham. I would make a valiant attempt but I’m afraid I would die from lack of oxygen.
Ah the joys of the sick season… fuck you bronchitis!
So yeah, I was licking a postage stamp earlier today. It’s a natural process that occurs when sending out a message though snail mail. And sometimes, if you’re unlucky, a very quizzical and thought provoking process at that.
While I was licking the stamp I got to thinking about how gross the adhesive tasted. Following which I started thinking about why some stamps are sweet and others are vilely bitter. What exactly do they put into stamp adhesive to give it such flavor?
So I put the stamp onto the envelope and set it aside for mailing. Unfortunately the thought process over adhesive ingredients hadn’t left my mind. Normally I’d push the thought away and search for a new topic but for some reason this one just seemed too interesting to pass up. So I let the wheels turn.. and turn and turn some more.
A million possibilities floated into my head but the one I found most amusing, and disturbing was my theory that the government had a set of elves mixing up each and every fresh batch of stamp adhesive. Now these elves are very special elves. One is a female named glue the other is a male who goes by the name of me.
Each day they wake up, put on their little glue suits and shuffle on down to their mixing stations. They work at the same factory but on separate ends (their supervisors don’t want them reproducing, they are special elves remember?), never seeing the other but each knowing the other exists.
The elves do their work but unlike most elves who are cheerful and vibrant these elves are forever downcast. Each one lazily dreaming of the one they know exists but can never see. It’s during these lazy, daydreaming times that the magical ingredient is placed into the adhesive.
For while their minds are preoccupied, their grimy, glue-covered hands are anything but.
It’s said that the male’s glue is bitter due to his sexual frustration while the female’s is sweet due to her everlasting hope that she will one day meet her missing link.
It’s a far fetched and downright outrageous theory but who’s there to prove it isn’t true? Furthermore it hasn’t been proven that elves don’t exist either so all in all it’s possible. Not likely, but possible. So before you go to mail another letter think about what it is you’re licking.
And if the elves don’t make you cringe, you can always stop to dwell on the fact that bug eggs or a highly contagious disease has been stuck to the stamp. As for myself, I feel much safer with horny elves than I do with eggs and disease. At least elves are partially human and won’t make me deathly ill. It really is your choice though.
I’ve been meaning to blog for quite some time but life is hectic and there’s far too much on my mind to get anything worthwhile into a post.
Lots of stress and drama with a few good things thrown into the fray. My mind just isn’t in the blogging format these days. It basically consists of pushing the bad things to the back of my brain hoping they’ll magically rot into decaying nothingness. Forcing my mind on other topics that are more suited to happiness and relaxation which brings to mind a single topic but that’s a topic I’m not ready to divulge just yet.
But oh it is a wonderful topic and never ceases to bring a smile to my face and a sparkle to my eye.
I’m not abandoning my blog, I’m just waiting for my mind to collect itself in a manor that’s more blog-worthy. It’s bound to happen, I just can’t say when or how that will be.
For anyone interested in keeping tabs on me, try joining Plurk“>Plurk. I post there at least once a day, I’m not so big on twitter so I don’t suggest looking for me there. You could also contact me using one of the methods listed on the contact page.
I missed the look of the old-school comotized so I pulled out the original theme and brought it up to par and voila, here we are again with a blast from the past!
There are a few bugs I need to kick out the door, most of them lie within the archives page but I’ll get to them in due time. I’m just happy to have the theme back up and working.
